Hey, first of all not a peep of this blog is coming from a place of Fear. Fear Based Intentions will destroy you and as I come of age, I realize that thoughts are exactly what project Fear when the chips are down, but nonetheless. I am still in the game, fighting, winning, although in this battle I have to let go of a few attachments first. But, on the bright side, I still have my health and my optimism. My natal chart shows my Jupiter was in the Sign of Capricorn which tells me that materialism in my journey will ebb and flow but as long as I show up and stay in the game, downfalls only provide me resourceful ways of making things happen and eventually, my luck will turn around and I will always Land On TOP! Capricorn is the great Mountain Climber. Ahhhh…….rest my mind, it is designed as such so with knowledge, I dispel Fear. Bye Felicia! 🙂
As you all know, it is Christmas season. The hustle and bustle of parties, year end reports and work-home-stress overload become primary. We hear half of what is said to us and better yet, if we are working in a large corporation, dealing with someone else’s drama is too much to bear. We leave charity up to the Ministries. Which brings me too……..
We Broke. Yep. Our expected income this month is at best going to be 2/3rd’s of what we need to upkeep this lavish lifestyle in the Ghetto. LOL!!! And I say that with complete humor. I have decided that for the last three years since I “left my career” I have pretty much figured out the patterns of finance in MY life and every time I get afraid the bottom is going to drop out and we are going to be homeless, prosperity gets blocked, my closest friends tell me to snap the fuck out of it and I usually have a mental breakdown. Let’s be honest, how many of you are worrying to the point of sickness about things that have not even happened yet. THAT IS THE REAL LESSON AT HAND! WE ARE WORRYING ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE NOT HAPPENING YET!!! Now, I could stop right there and be done with my blog, but Nope, let me further explain.
Factually, when you start your own business, it take a while to grow. You are lucky to buy bread most days and keep your doors open. Owning a business (or being a sub-contractor) still has it’s costs. Marketing yourself not only takes finances, it takes up ALOT of Time. And what I do is very specialized so some education and serious self care on behalf of my need to be authentic is an all consuming measure. But here is the DEAL………….What I am building with my new choice of career should not be tossed aside just because of a one or two month shortfall. Even big businesses ride out a few months in Red before they consider closing the doors. Listen, running a household is a very delicate business and too many marriages end up in Divorce because the couple doesn’t consider a home, a business. Why, yes it is! It’s Your business!!!!
So, did we plan properly? You decide……
1. Dave Ramsey Game. Well, we have exhausted our 6 mo. savings. When Ed was working on the “ah’hem” controversial pipeline projects’, we did establish a great amount of savings in a short period of time. However, the expenses in his job, well, let’s just say, LORD JESUS! They taxed us to death, it costs us an enormous amount of money to set up too households and like all good mommies, dun pled every bit of household responsibility on me down to the stinky laundry. (I hate laundry. Hell is in the Laundry room! Satan is the god of Laundry……..) BUT……..it afforded me time to re-educate myself and go to school. And when the times of unemployment drained us needless to say, we learned to work with it. Then, Ed went Deaf and it sent quite the ring a dig dong upheaval to anything we were consciously trying to accomplish as a household unit. He lost his hearing in April and I graduated in August. Great timing………:P
2. We have no real line of credit and are not trying to use it. How many people FREAK out and start putting groceries and pay bills on credit cards instead of asking for Help. This, my friends is the biggest lesson of all in this. I hate asking for help. It is MORE than embarrassing it is viewed as pity if the wrong internal lens is shining on it. No one wants to imagine themselves so poor that they have to ask for help, so we typically don’t. And then we are frustrated when someone they love says to them, “I am so sorry you are going thru this, I’ll pray”. And to that I say, “Thank you for praying! Can I have a bite of your pickle???”
No seriously, we are not starving yet but it is getting scary!!!! The cost of for is outrageous! I have enough to last about three days. Maybe a week if the Zombies hit and I have to barracade in, but after that, I need supply! And now that we are at the choice of keeping our cable or buying groceries, I think the food comes first! I did just complete my food stamp application, I just have to find a day to waste and sit down there all day only to be told I need more documentation and then when I go back that next day to submit more documentation and I wait some more, I have to wait thirty days to get a card. Zombies…..someone please send the Zombie’s!!! 😛
3. In being honest and accountable for my own personal development I have to tell you what I am doing so maybe you can direct me in a different manner. I am not saying I am playing all this out correctly because I really don’t have time to manage my business the way I should, I just know we are empty and the math doesn’t match for the next month. I have terminated my OBAMA care plan because I can’t pay my premium. I have put my daughter’s student loan repayment loan into forbearance. I am trying to buy food that doesn’t spoil in small quantities and be very mindful with the grocery bill. I can’t turn off my cell phone and wifi yet because if I go into the dark, this will bring up a whole other issue for not staying in the hole. The only way to stay connected is to be online. I do have the free public library of course. It’s not the same thing though. So, the cable TV is next. Then Netflix goes next and so on and so forth as we cut costs to survive. I have terminated my gym membership and am trying to keep my cost for self care to a minimum. Forrest Gump ran his ass off outside so I can too! I am doing an early termination on my space lease in Jtown because of the lack of business so I will owe this guy a lot of money. I need prayer that he will work with me and no sue me. He sees our situation and has sympathy but I don’t think he is going to let me out gracefully. This dude is about money. It’s ok. I understand.
I think you get the picture without me giving you my check register……things are tough for us right now. Really really tight! What did you expect when I said all this mess with the VA is a nightmare…….all we can do now is wait???? Hello.
So what do I need?????? Mostly, for you to know the truth. If you need some cleaning done first of the year. Let’s book it. If you think you are going to want a massage in the next 3 months, let’s book it. Every wondered about YOUR natal chart. Let’s get in on the calendar!!!! It affords me some much needed hope as I project for my career and it may just keep me from being forced into the drive thru at McDonalds. Or serving drinks at a bar at night. There is nothing WRONG with these jobs……..right? I mean, people do it all the time. They get behind the cash register of a massively chaotic environment and hustle their ass off for minimum wage. Would I do it? I already HAVE DONE IT! FOR YEARS! I have hustled my ass off my whole life! Jupiter in Capricorn. It is a part of the plan! I raised my daughter in a ghetto trailer with roaches crawling all over her bassinet. I walked my 21 year old ass to the gas station in the middle of the night in search of Kerosene and put $4.00 on the tank because it was 20 degrees and it was all I had to heat my trailer. But I kept working so yes, I would do it. I am not a stranger to hard times. What I am a stranger to is “Letting go of attachments!” It hurts but I am doing it! And I am telling you publicly about our hardships because you have been with me in the GREAT TIMES TOO!
I am telling you all this so that you too, can make it through the hard times and be able to ask for help! I don’t want money out of pity so please do not take this as such…..I am looking for right work? Use me! Experience Me! I need your understanding of where I am personally so you can help me professionally help others. It is a domino effect…\ Open Throat Chakra! Blue……………..Sing! Dance………..Play. #lmt
What I want to know for now, is while I wait on my Food Stamp relationship to start, do YOU know if you know of any ministries in my area that can help with fresh fruits and vegetables so we can stay healthy through the hard times? I have reached out to a handful of people for help but, well, they are busy……it is busy season. Busy. Busy.
All the resources I have come across want to give me boxed potatoes and old canned goods. No offense but my body rejects that stuff in mass quantities. My son has been very sick internally for a while because of the processed foods he has ingested since childhood but we are slowly healing him with better choices. I may need a little help with FRESH groceries until we can figure this out. If they LGE’ sends us a brown bill, we can get a once in a time LIFETIME help of $250 from the VA to pay a few days before disconnection……..ok……..but why don’t I be proactive and ask for help BEFORE THE SHIP starts sinking……….DUH! That is not how the system works….But…if it comes to disconnection I will ask because it is cold up in this drafty apartment……..at least Tanner and Loki warm me! ( My heart too!)
My therapist calls it enabling when I cut up an apple for my grown son and it is, but then the fierce protective nurturing spirit kicks in and I see that he doesn’t want to be sick and he is hurting. He has been programmed to eat Fruity Pebbles. Some of what he is ingesting is now rotting his brain. (GMO’s?) No…she wasn’t going there. I can slice an apple on occasion until he heals into himself.
You see, I have had several emotional and physical detoxes lately and the brain has to go thru a series of re-programming cycles in order to release what has been ingested and this is where the depression and fear comes from when you have to make lifestyle changes and we don’t want to give up our curses. It is a grueling process to reduce our intake of process foods and people are being poisoned to death slowly. (not to mention my previous post about the flu injections……..). And..well…. I would rather be considered a fruity pebble myself then act like everything is ok, when it is not. (materiallistically speaking………) Moderate.
Guys, I am in this fight for the long haul! but I am not sure if you understand that truest vision of The Reiki Station is more than just you coming to get a massage. My hands are here to serve like Christ and in more ways than to just rub out your big toe pain. This organism is about offering knowledge about how we change our body, mind and spirit in order to raise our vibration so that the Spirits of Fear, and Lack and Scarcity loose their grip on our society. (i.e., Ministry)………You see, I THINK, people think, if you are not in church doing community with the private sector of religion, you are not privy to receive charity when you have a need. Hey, fill out this application. Then wait……….Been there before. Now I see why evangelist stay in the organized religion. It gives them a chance to do certain things so long as you conform to the rules…… I choose not too conform backwards but forwards……. so I need to know where the community resources are locally and I have a specific need. I don’t need a lot. Maybe just some fruit, nuts, rice and pickles………And if you need a hard working person handy woman for the next few months, I do clean cat litter boxes but I’d much rather be doing my heart’s work. Anyone for massage now? LOL!!!!
Seriously, I write this in fun and I do have work this week but it makes it no less true that I need more clients. I can’t do this without them. I am trying to pound through hard winter time here at home and being this naked in front of the screen can look like begging to some but to me, it is saying hey…over here…got a lifejacket?……..(poor Tiny Tim)!!!! So, Flood me with advice! What would you do? Sync with me on this would ya? If you feel called. (Goddesses)……….Or at least send the intention to see this storm quickly pass so that I learn exactly what I need to learn out of it. Letting Go!
If you are praying for us then thank you and please don’t stop! I know who “gets it” and who doesn’t and that is perfectly ok! Edward and I are holding space until the VA makes a decision to rehab my husband and give him a new chance verses mutilating each other. We tried. It doesn’t work for us. And Hell, if it all crashed right now, my Phoenix wings would just resurrect somewhere else, in the another time and place. 🙂 I will not live in Fear ANYMORE and I believe that God’s Universal Math does not match up with my material checkbook!! It is time to manifest true true and trust, and teach, and watch it all unfold so that I can be a strength to another.
With Love During Growing Pains,